(bbm) just one moment more
Sep. 28th, 2006 12:34 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
visionplaceTitle: Just One Moment More
Fandom: Brokeback Mountain
Characters: Ennis, Jack
Hold me, even though I know you're leaving...
Let me have you just one moment more...
- Mindy Smith
Fandom: Brokeback Mountain
Characters: Ennis, Jack
Let me have you just one moment more...
- Mindy Smith
The wind whistled through a crack in the only barrier between the warmth inside and the bitter Wyoming cold. Ennis refused to open his eyes. Jack Twist had been in his dreams, and he did not want the wind to blow the image from his head or freeze the warmth he had awoken to. His mind flooded with memories and imaginings, mingling together like two adjoining springs until what was real and what was merely a dream were indistinguishable— the glint of sunlight that flickered in his eyes as he rode beside him; the way his calloused hands felt against his body; the smell of his sweat, musky and dry, like a gravel road and a fourteen hour drive. He could live off those memories for days, until their heat began to burn them away and he was left with the chill of the shadow cast over him by Brokeback Mountain.
And Ennis wishes during those times that he had never walked through Joe Aguirre’s door. Until another postcard arrives in that scrawling handwriting and with it, the promise of release from the unending torture that time and distance inflicted upon him. But the relief was only temporary. Whereas time seemed at a standstill in the months that they were apart, it flew by in the blink of an eye in the moments they were together. There was never enough time. Never as much as that first summer, when nights went on for days and feelings ran wild like the wind.
His breathing became hitched in his throat, and Ennis reached up to rub his eyes before they started to water. After a moment, he allowed them open, and as he took in his surroundings, he felt foolish. A ceiling of blue fluttered against the wind and the sound of water he mistook for a memory was in fact the river just outside the tent. And there beside him lay Jack, his face skewed into a mournful frown as he slept. His hand hovered over Jack’s face for a moment as if he would caress it, but instead he lowered his arm to envelop Jack in a fervent embrace. A gust of wind howled against the walls of the tent. The river flowed its course outside. And Ennis clutched onto Jack and prayed for time to stop.
As he drove away, Ennis kept his eye locked on the side mirror, watching as Jack grew smaller and smaller until he disappeared around the bend. His body operated the truck, while his mind wandered, still shaken by the gravity of what had taken place minutes before. Everything had happened, and yet nothing had been resolved. In that one moment had been the culmination of nearly twenty years of anguish and emotion, separation and reunion. And Ennis had suceeded only in exposing that which he struggled to fight, the feelings that made him both love and hate Jack all at once.
The reflection of the mountains loomed in the rearview mirror, and the more distance he put between himself and that place, the more it felt as if a knife were being driven through his chest. He steered the truck off the road and climbed out of the cab. His breathing came in sharp, heaving gasps as he stood hunched over the fresh summer grass at the base of the mountains. Tears stung at the corners of his eyes and Ennis coughed through gritted teeth and clenched fists which he plunged into the ground at his feet.
If you can’t fix it, you’ve got to stand it. Simple words, easy to say, but damned near impossible to live by. A cool wind swept down from the mountains and pushed Ennis’s worn hat from his head. He snatched it from the air and rose to his feet, his knees cracking as he stood, and the tip of his thumb quickly extinguishing a tear that had dared to fall from his eye. Back behind the wheel of his truck, he took a deep breath and released the brake, returning to the finality of the road. He did not look back once.
And Ennis wishes during those times that he had never walked through Joe Aguirre’s door. Until another postcard arrives in that scrawling handwriting and with it, the promise of release from the unending torture that time and distance inflicted upon him. But the relief was only temporary. Whereas time seemed at a standstill in the months that they were apart, it flew by in the blink of an eye in the moments they were together. There was never enough time. Never as much as that first summer, when nights went on for days and feelings ran wild like the wind.
His breathing became hitched in his throat, and Ennis reached up to rub his eyes before they started to water. After a moment, he allowed them open, and as he took in his surroundings, he felt foolish. A ceiling of blue fluttered against the wind and the sound of water he mistook for a memory was in fact the river just outside the tent. And there beside him lay Jack, his face skewed into a mournful frown as he slept. His hand hovered over Jack’s face for a moment as if he would caress it, but instead he lowered his arm to envelop Jack in a fervent embrace. A gust of wind howled against the walls of the tent. The river flowed its course outside. And Ennis clutched onto Jack and prayed for time to stop.
As he drove away, Ennis kept his eye locked on the side mirror, watching as Jack grew smaller and smaller until he disappeared around the bend. His body operated the truck, while his mind wandered, still shaken by the gravity of what had taken place minutes before. Everything had happened, and yet nothing had been resolved. In that one moment had been the culmination of nearly twenty years of anguish and emotion, separation and reunion. And Ennis had suceeded only in exposing that which he struggled to fight, the feelings that made him both love and hate Jack all at once.
The reflection of the mountains loomed in the rearview mirror, and the more distance he put between himself and that place, the more it felt as if a knife were being driven through his chest. He steered the truck off the road and climbed out of the cab. His breathing came in sharp, heaving gasps as he stood hunched over the fresh summer grass at the base of the mountains. Tears stung at the corners of his eyes and Ennis coughed through gritted teeth and clenched fists which he plunged into the ground at his feet.
If you can’t fix it, you’ve got to stand it. Simple words, easy to say, but damned near impossible to live by. A cool wind swept down from the mountains and pushed Ennis’s worn hat from his head. He snatched it from the air and rose to his feet, his knees cracking as he stood, and the tip of his thumb quickly extinguishing a tear that had dared to fall from his eye. Back behind the wheel of his truck, he took a deep breath and released the brake, returning to the finality of the road. He did not look back once.
- February 13, 2006
